transparency

The new guys says he avoids confrontation.

"So do I," I nodded in agreement, not able to say more with a mouth full of taco. I avoid it at all turns in my life, knowing that confrontation only makes me feel weak and silly while to others it imparts strength and assuredness. I'm uncomfortable with arguing, whether I'm involved in the argument or not. I prefer everyone to be happy, peaceful, and serene, like I am most of the time.

Life isn't that pleasant or easy though. There are people in all of our lives who create drama and pick out our pet peeves to grind them in our faces, people who thrive on making others miserable, people so miserable themselves, or anxious, or tired, they don't know or care that they're like beacons of unhappiness, shining their dull light on the rest of us. 

I have two such people in my work life. In work, you can't pick with whom you associate. They're there and you have to deal with them. In my private life, I cut out these people like coring an apple-- carefully but ruthlessly. Even if they're blood. I only get one life; I have to keep it sane. Luckily I don't work closely with either one of the two drama queens at work, and luckily all the new additions are great. 

"Yeah, but I wouldn't want to be on your shit list," the other new guy says to me, glancing up from his plate. I ask him what he means, not understanding how transparent I am, how within a week he has pinned me down, analyzed and dissected me, and understands how I operate from within. 

"You're the type that lets things boil below the surface and then finally one day explodes, aren't you? It doesn't happen often, but I bet it's scary when it does. I hope it never happens to me."

I raise my left eyebrow at him, wipe the smile from my face, and tell him he'd better just watch his step around me. I let that linger for a second, and then laugh at him and with him.