beliefs, and another Grateful Thursday

I was thinking this morning about belief and the power a strongly held belief can have. This all stems from the concern I've had for my brother-in-law, of course. I don't mean to offend when I talk about religion, but it just seems to me, as a non-religious person, that so many organized religions either consciously or subconsciously use brainwashing techniques, especially the "newer" religions. Walt is in a difficult place in his life right now, trying to figure out who he is and what he wants to do with his life, fresh out from under his momma's wing, innocent and clueless and not yet jaded. He's ripe for the picking, in other words, and I just don't want his mind to be clouded.

This is the time in life when beliefs are formed-- the beliefs that pretty quickly set into concrete in your heart, the ones that nothing can change. I do think that we look for things to reinforce the beliefs we already sort of have. For instance, being raised by a relatively free-thinking family, and with only brothers to relate to, I knew pretty early in life that being a girl was never going to hold me back. But I never put that concrete feminist to it until college, and it wasn't until then that I put absolute definitions as to what it means to me to be a woman in the world now and the way I believe women should be treated. I also always cared about animals-- we always had dogs and cats in our house-- but it wasn't until I was old enough to understand the history of the human/animal relationship and the way we affect their lives that I became a vegetarian and somewhat an activist.

That said, in regards to religion, I tried Christianity on for size in high school. I wanted to believe in a higher power, I wanted to believe there was some great being out there looking out for me. But intellectually it never felt right. Then I started taking deeper history classes in college, learned about the history of Christianity and the Council of Nicea and Constantine, and then I started exploring the history of other religions... none of it reconciled with what I had been taught in church, and I gave up on it. I simply decided, after doing all the research I could, that no one knows the truth, and no one ever will. So I'm happy in my agnosticism.

But I came to all these decisions on my own. Sure, teachers and preachers pointed me this way or that, but the decision was made on my own without influence in the end. I had heard all sides. Walt, though-- I feel has been taken in by people who will never let him hear another side. That's what scares me. If he hears it all and makes the decision for Christianity, that's one thing. But I'm afraid he's not going to get a chance.

As I was thinking all this on the way to work today, John Mayer's song Belief came on the radio. Read these lyrics (he's an amazing writer)-- they express so eloquently what beliefs and differences can do to this world.

Is there anyone who
Ever remembers changing their mind from
The paint on a sign?
Is there anyone who really recalls
Ever breaking rank at all
For something someone yelled real loud one time

Everyone believes
In how they think it ought to be
Everyone believes
And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword
Like punching under water
You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition
And some have to know they tried
It's the chemical weapon
For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes
From emptiness to everything
Everyone believes
And no ones going quietly

We're never gonna win the world
We're never gonna stop the war
We're never gonna beat this
If belief is what we're fighting for

What puts a hundred-thousand children in the sand
Belief can
Belief can
What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand
Belief can

That line about "a hundred-thousand children in the sand" always gets me. 

On to happier things...

1) Walt. I just want him to be happy.

2) April. Walking down my hall at work today, I looked up and out the glass door to see a blooming Japanese Magnolia framed by daffodils, the sun filtering through the leaves of a large oak to leave the scene dappled in light. I'm in short-sleeves and sandals, and it makes me so happy.

3) Healthier food. I do feel better. I was in a rush this morning and scarfed some cereal instead of stopping to make eggs, and I'm feeling sleepy again. But I have a great lunch set, so I know that will perk me up.

4) In contrast to number 3, Emily and I made April's Fools cupcakes for the office last night. I'm thankful to have her as a friend and also for whoever invented tiny cakes covered in yummy frosting...

Corn on the cob, peas and carrots, and mashed potatoes with gravy and butter

(aka cupcakes with frosting, jelly beans, starbursts, and melted butterscotch)

5) Tomorrow I don't have to work! Woo, a real day off! I have no idea what I'll do with it yet. Sleep late? Plan the space for my vegetables in my garden? Watch a movie? Who knows, but the day is all mine. Tomorrow night we're going to eat catfish with a good friend for her birthday, Saturday night is my favorite little nephew's (by love, not blood) third birthday party, and Sunday there's a baseball game and the weather should be glorious. Life is good.