I've been very quiet lately. It's not that I don't have things to say, it's just that I'm brewing. Simmering. Boiling some days.
Work has been taking up most of my time and my thoughts lately. I'm frustrated right now, but I won't go into too many details. I don't know why I won't, as that's why I created this blog, to get these thoughts out of my head. But I feel like if I let loose on these, let them boil over, there will be no returning them to the pot. They'll burn on the coils and stink up the place, one of those embedded smells that only time and open doors removes.
I'm happy, personally. I have a neurology appointment on Friday. I've about decided that I'm getting both tension headaches and migraines. Husband and I made lasagna last night and watched our DVRed episode of Mad Men from Sunday night. I wish women still dressed that way-- I'm glad we're not still treated that way, though. Actually I wish all people still dressed that way, a full suit and tie and hat or dress and pearls for the simplest of tasks. People have gotten too comfortable now in their crocs and sweatpants and tees. It is, at times, unsightly. The only time I leave the house not dressed is to go to Home Depot on Sunday, but even then I have on well-fitting jeans and non-plastic shoes. I don't think that's too much to ask.
The office puppies have tripled in size. I should take some photos. They grow so fast, time flies so fast. I'm cognizant of the passing minutes at certain points throughout the day-- when I leave for lunch I think "Is it lunch time already?" and then think about the same when I leave at the end of the day. At bedtime I find myself shocked to have let another day pass fairly well unnoticed. Weekends are like seconds. How do you notice each day, each hour, minute, second? It's not possible, though I want it to be. I want to be one of those people who "lives life to the fullest" but I really think those people only exist in movies. In a two-hour time frame you can accomplish just about anything you want with no down time between. Or, if these people are real, they're maniacal and exhausted. Everyone has to make a living, everyone sits at a desk now and then, watching the clock, willing the second hand to move. I suppose the point is to acknowledge the good moments when they happen. I'm becoming better and better at that, though they still never last as long as I want them to.
I just came back from lunch. I screamed in my car, let some of the steam out, like the squeal coming from under a rattling lid. It made me feel better-- I'm smiling now. Of course having lunch with the one person on earth who knows how to lift my spirits no matter the situation didn't hurt.
Even for not getting into detail, you've posted some beautiful insight. And that's why I like your blog.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness; I could almost hear that scream as you escaped into the confines of your car. Letting out all that angst, tension, whatever.
ReplyDeleteI do so hope that your forthcoming neurology appointment is helpful.
Time: it just zooms by. We don't usually know it's gone until it's too late. We all have the same amount of time; it's just that some make better use of it than others. I'm a waster of time in many respects. I know I've plenty of tasks to do, like clearing the clutter in my so-called 'office' but I put it off, and keep putting it off. It just seems too much! But it isn't too much; it just seems it is.
Take care, but carry on screaming when you feel the need!
I rarely get stressed but ever since Friday, I've been feeling exactly the same. It came to a head yesterday and finally disappeared, leaving me feeling weak and tired and a little teary but on the road back to normality.
ReplyDeleteIt feels much better today - I hope you get some respite before long. :)
I do the clock watching at work, but not because I don't like my job - it's just SO boring! Today I answered the phone once, read three emails, booked travel for my boss that I then had to cancel, & ordered office supplies. For 8 hours. Mind numbing!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your tests - we'll hope for a definitive treatable condition!
Hmmm - something big must be going on inside you. Hope the Dr. appt goes well. (Your writing is really good).
ReplyDeleteI know wat u mean... if u read my blog, u'll find me in a similar mind - i think i'll emulate you in simply stating that yes, i do feel like screaming. In the same boat as u... but unfortunately dont know how to handle it!
ReplyDeleteI certainly can relate- to the work taking up so much time in your head space. I hate when it encroaches on the precious seconds that you are not at work.
ReplyDeleteNice post- I like how you seamlessly interweave so many different subjects at once.
I know the feeling - time passes so quickly when you don't want it to, yet when you're doing something you really don't want to do, it seems to crawl.
ReplyDeleteAs always, very well written. You take us along on this journey, and like Lola said, you interweave so many subjects seamlessly.