I'm not a very fearful person. Heights, while I'm not in love with them, I have conquered when my husband and I went skydiving (turns out he was testing me before he could ask me to marry him, but that's a whole other story). Gory movies, not so much, but I don't watch them because I don't like having those images in my head. There are just some things a normal, healthy human shouldn't know or see. I think mice are cute, and snakes are amazing creatures. Doctors or hospitals don't bother me; my own death doesn't even scare me. I'm not a tough girl or anything, I'm just... at peace with the world I guess.
That said, there are four main things that get my heart racing and upset me the most. Because of these four things I have made both major and minor adjustments in my life. Listed here are these four, in order of severity/importance:
1) Spiders. I hate spiders. Yes, I know, they serve an important purpose, eating up other little insects and such, but I don't care, I want them all to die or at least move to another continent. Ugh. Wolf spiders, garden spiders, brown recluses, black widows, whatever-- just go away. I'm not killing it either, because I'm not getting that close. We found a black widow in our garage a few weeks ago. I still can't get over that. I may have to take that picture down. Even the picture freaks me out.
2) Migraines. I get them maybe once every couple of months, sometimes more frequently. Now that I have a prescription, they aren't that bad, and I can usually knock one out in just a couple hours. But the aura I get leaves me blind for at least a half an hour, and the medicine leaves me stupidly blundering in a fog the rest of the day. It's gotten to the point now that I think the fear of getting one is actually worse than the migraine itself. The smallest flicker of light in my vision, and I think I'm getting one. I hate it.
3) Burglars/murders/rapists. Basically someone coming into my house while I'm there. I live in a tiny, safe town. Nothing ever happens here, seriously. Someone was robbed outside the Walmart a couple months ago, and people still talk about it, even though the idiot that got robbed was carrying cash in his hand. I mean, duh. I lock all my doors all the time, even my bathroom door while I'm drying my hair and my husband's not home. If someone broke in, I wouldn't hear it over the hairdryer, and I can't have them just sneak up on me, can I? This is why I don't watch scary movies-- even though the movies themselves don't scare me, I try to keep all of that out of the reach of my imagination.
4) Loss of my husband and family. My own death doesn't scare me, but I'm petrified that my husband will die and I'll be widowed, or that my parents will die. Who will I turn to then? That fear penetrates me so deeply... it's the ultimate fear, isn't it, the fear of losing loved ones and being left alone. I love my parents so much, they're so good to me, and I lean on them still. We're friends now, but more than that, because I have so much respect for them. And my husband... we're best friends, soul mates (if those aren't real, we're the closest you can get). Everything choice I make I think about him first, every plan I make I include him, every where I go he goes. To lose him in a lot of ways would be to lose myself.
I'm not a melodramatic person. I'm actually quite undramatic and matter-of-fact in person. But these fears bring it out of me.
So of what are you most afraid? Any odd fears out there to which you'd like to admit?
Hi! Thanks for the great comment over on my blog; I'd love to have you back!
ReplyDeleteYou've got my top two fears on your list here: spiders and death of a loved one (especially one of my daughters). Spiders - especially when they're up in my space - send me into hysterics. Kinda embarrassing, actually.
I get massive migraines, though fortunately they're less frequent than they used to be (1-2 times a month, and I'm stuck in bed a full day or two). What do you take? It's time for me to see the doc again, maybe try something new.
Shoot. Imitrex no workie for me - it makes my migraines worse AND makes my throat constrict. :( And you're right about the caffeine - I try to do the same. I also share you concern with the medicinal "cocktails" - it can't be good, but I'd almost do anything when I feel so bad.
ReplyDeleteHere's to fewer, less intense migraines for the both of us!
Thank you so much for your note today. Your honesty was right there within it, and right here, too.
ReplyDeleteSkydiving? I couldn't do it. What a marital exam! If you can do that, you can do it all.
Ah, and yes: Migraines. I get them often. They are rather cruel beasts.
ReplyDeleteBoy, we must have been sisters in a previous life or been created with the same mold. I suffered migraines for years. I wish you didn't have to suffer that pain. I know it's hard.
ReplyDeleteDitto on violence/scary movies. My mind absorbs the images and I have nightmares. So I avoid that altogether.
My biggest fear is that I'll turn into a pumpkin before the ball is over and I still want to dance!