I closed the door on my adolescence on Saturday night. I attended my ten-year high school reunion, and as one of three people in attendance that don't still live in our hometown, I felt pretty out of place. They all still hang out, still call each other up and go out together. They never grew as people beyond the edges of our town, beyond the friends they made at age 12, beyond themselves. They were exactly the same. How boring.
So as my (very social) husband and I felt relegated to the outside looking in, we didn't stay very long. It was such a weird night, watching them act like nothing had changed, sitting there playing cards, drinking beer, not noticing us. Only nearly everyone had added a partner-- sometimes someone we knew then, sometimes a new face. One new face brought her pugs which she fed with spray cheese from a can and talked to like babies. One or two familiar faces had become unfamiliar from too much spray cheese or beer or some other unhealthy addiction. But for the most part I felt like I had been picked up and transported back in time, and I felt just as uncomfortable and out of place that night as I ever did back then. And even my social butterfly of a husband, who never met a stranger, only had one or two good conversations throughout the night.
That's when I realized-- it's not me. It's that place and those people. I've changed so much over the years, have reinvented myself in a lot of ways. I'm so much more social and bright and alive than I used to be, so much more
myself and comfortable in my own skin, but even with that I couldn't find a place in their world. And their world had not changed. I had always thought if I would've had more confidence and been more outgoing that high school would have been better, but I see now that it would not.
So the door is closed, the page is flipped, and that part of my life is over. It was a sigh of relief actually, and not something I physically made myself do, but something that happened to me, that just occurred, peacefully and solemnly.
With that, here are some pictures I've taken recently.
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| A poppy bud |
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| Bubby, being cute as usual |
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| A sunset off my deck |
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| The sunset |
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| Our new old furniture-- Stickley Bros. of Grand Rapids, circa 1902-1912, Mission style. And Bub |
And I thought I was the only one who hated highschool! I know exactly what you mean about never having been a real part of my fellow classmates. I quit scholl when I was 16, I was pregnant (married, too), but the school board thought that my "condition" set a bad example. Whatever, I have come to realize like you, that it wasn't all me.
ReplyDeleteLove the picture of the poppy bud, and yes, Bub is very cute!
Hmm ... that poppy head photo - seems to remind me of something else. Something else ... just can't think right now. It'll come to me soon, I hope.
ReplyDeleteThe reunions get more interesting, mellower, with time. I left my hometown right away also and the differences between those of us who left and the many who stayed are huge. So glad you had hubby for support. Laughing at the cheese thing - ewww!
ReplyDeleteLovely pictures.
Exquisite photos! That one looks like a tornado.
ReplyDeleteOne only has to read your blog to know that you have moved on in the world from high school. You are intelligent, articulate, bright ... You were definitely one of the lucky ones. In ten more years, those other folks will look so old from stagnation, you won't recognize them.
Those two little dogs have a short life expectancy, being fed cheese from a can. That woman is killing them.
Oh, and by the way, I absolutely love your new furniture, especially the lamp.
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with you and it's the reason that I always avoid looking back or keeping in touch. I simply have moved on too far from anyone with whom I was at school or even university. I don't wish to be defined by who I was when I was 17.
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