numb, again

Although this is not one I had planned to repost, as I think several of you were following me already at this point, I am in the same state as I described back then again this morning.

numb, from March 30, 2009:

"I can feel my bones. They creak and groan like a rusty door hinge, no soft connections to ease them. My flesh and muscle, my sinew down to the bone is lifeless. I'm a skeleton walking. I'm numb and cold and hard. Pinch me and I won't make a peep; I won't feel it. I look at the world through hollow cavities, colors and light and movement shocking to my slow-motion thoughts, and I struggle to comprehend. I feel rail thin and brittle, but bloated at once, like a cheek after a dentist's injection, feeling swollen and looking ordinary. I poke myself to make sure I'm ordinary, but feel nothing. My stomach, I can feel my stomach, roiling and curdling, protesting its contents. Belches taste like soap and syrup, making the curdling worse, feeling at any moment I could lose those contents, knowing that it wouldn't make it better if I did. My head is full of air. I'm a bubble, a dry bubble ready to pop, releasing nothing but dust. Questions float by me like dandelion seeds in the wind, and I'm mesmerized by their grace but lost by their meaning. I'm surprised I can form semi-complete thoughts, but the surprise is dulled, like a rubber mallet on splintering wood."

It's so hard to function like this. I know several of you out there feel my pain (literally), but it's not even the pain I speak of here, it's the medicine. What's worse-- a migraine that hurts so bad you'd rather poke out your eyes to relieve the pressure and distract yourself than suffer through another minute, or medicine that lulls you into believing that you've gotten rid of the pain only for the pain to be replaced by complete numbness, cloudiness, weird aches, and blank stupidity?

I guess the medicine is better-- that must be why I keep taking it. I haven't had a headache in a while. Winter is usually easier on me. But on a day like today when I really need to focus at work, but instead I end up staring at a sentence like this blindly wondering where the hell it was going in the first place, letting minutes pass by before I can type out another word... well, it's not helpful.