say what you need to say/ headaches

I didn't send that letter. Which is funny because lately I've been thinking a lot about how important it is to say what you need to say to everyone in your life. I was too angry when I wrote it though, and I would have sent it out of anger, out of spite, which wouldn't help anything. So I'm leaving it alone for now, just playing the supporting role to my parents, trying to keep my father strong and my mother comforted.

But a part of me so wants him to know the pain he's caused. I don't know if he would care, but I still want to show him. 

I'm quite a shy person. Obviously-- I can't even invite people I know to read my blog. Not even my husband. He knows it exists but has no idea what's here because I won't show him. He's ok with it though, the same way he would be if I were keeping a paper diary. Is it really better to say too much than not enough? Is it better to make someone mad or upset than to keep your feelings bottled up, ready to explode? I feel like an agitated soft drink fairly often in my life, biting my tongue, keeping back the words I really want to say. But I think there's a line where words become, the truth becomes, just plain hurtful and not at all helpful. In my brother's case, I honestly don't care if I hurt him, but I do care if my words make an impact on him, and words spoken out of anger will only put him on the defensive and never make him think about their meaning. So I'm waiting until my anger goes a bit flat. If that will ever happen, I don't know.

Happy, joyous words, those I tend to say with no hesitation. The people I love know I love them. I try very hard to put out more positivity than negativity. 

In other news, I read an article last night (several, actually-- after the initial one I started searching) that said so-called "sinus" headaches are often migraines in disguise. I can watch the pointer on a barometer move and know I'm about to get a headache. I always thought it was the pressure changing in my sinuses as well that was making my face hurt, but apparently they've done studies that say that's not possible unless you also have a sinus infection, which I don't. I thought I did about a month ago (why else were my nose and eyebrows pulsing for days on end), but I just finished a two-week round of antibiotics only to begin a headache again on Sunday that has lasted to today so far. No way this is a sinus infection, I have no other symptoms. Just pain around my eyes and nose. 

So, great, now not only do I have hormone-related migraines with full-on auras, apparently I also have this other kind, brought on by weather, that last as long as the weather lasts. There's no way I'm taking those damned triptans three days in a row. I've lived with "sinus" headaches for a while now, I guess I'll just keep living with them. At least now I know no cold medicine in the world is going to help me and I can cut those out. Hey, looking on the bright side.