It's time for a talk, it's time for some truth telling. It's time you know exactly what I think you are-- a liar, a manipulator, a cheat, and a lazy bastard. I will not mince my words anymore. I will not dance around my thoughts, trying to spare your precious feelings, your weak self-image. I am done. You have crossed the line of no return and dragged me with you.
Mom and Dad are the best parents we could have asked for. No, don't start with the crying, the complaining. I'll get to that in a minute. They gave us all the opportunities in the world-- a good school, cars, whatever activities we wanted, money, college (in your case, several different tries at it). We all three had the same chances at life. They loved each other and they loved us. We had more than many of my friends ever had.
Even if you feel you were mistreated, even if you think that they somehow did you wrong and that your childhood was torturous, even if that holds some truth for you, it's time to move on. It's time to stop blaming them. You're almost 30 years old, long ago an adult. Time to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and take responsibility for your own life. There is absolutely no reason you can't do this. Absolutely none. You are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, you just don't because it's easier for you to make them miserable, place all that guilt and blame on them, keep them hurting and feeling like they owe you. I'll just quit school, I won't be able to get that nice apartment, I'll have to sell my car. Boo freaking hoo. Get a loan for school, live in a basement apartment, take public transportation. There, problem solved. Take responsibility for yourself!
I want you to know I know what you're doing, older brother, and I want you to know I will fight it until my last breath. You will not win, not this fight, not this time.
Siblings are hard. You are stuck with them, regardless.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an excellent outlet for you. USE IT, FEEL IT AND BELIEVE HOW YOU DO...
Good for you. Some people won't stop taking until you quit giving.
ReplyDeleteI hope a change is brewing.
ReplyDeleteDid you send this to him? Perhaps you should if you didn't. My oldest son is almost 40. He is gay. He uses that as a crutch to vindicate himself of everything. He once said to me that I didn't love him as much as my other son because he was gay..... My response was to tell him that his sexual preference had nothing to do with the disappoint I felt towards him. He has never held a job for any amount of time and has gone through life thus far by finding others to live off until they can no longer take it and then moving on to his next "mark". I expressed all this to him after he had stolen from his own younger brother. I still have no contact with him and honestly, it is a relief. I used to cry and feel guilt about a situation that was not my doing. I feel so sorry for your parents and hope that they can weather this storm and force your brother to become a productive member of society. I guess your post hit a nerve, sorry to have orated!
ReplyDeleteWow, good for you and the brutal honesty that your brother needs to face. I admire your frankness. He should too.
ReplyDeleteI have a brother just like yours, and I can tell you, it doesn't change as they age. My brother is almost 50 and hasn't paid his own rent, much less owned a home, for more than six months in his life! No one feels in the least bit sorry for him anymore. He always manages to find someone to live with, which amazes me. Who wants to take care of a 50 year-old? Not me, never me. But if your parents don't cut him off at some point, he will never grow up. They are enabling him to be a child. That is exactly what my step mother did with my brother. When she died, he just found others to manipulate and leach off of. Sorry this is so long!
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